LDR and How it Feels

It’s like the weather nowadays. We wake up to a gloomy weather, without the sunrise. I’m robbed off my light. My bright, sun. 

It’s a train ride and we’re currently going through a long, dark tunnel. We can see the light at the end. It’s there but still too far. Everything just feels dull and dark. 

It’s wanting to tell each other even the smallest event that happened today and being disappointed when we can’t even finish a phone call.

It’s like being in a long, black and white mime commercial and I just can’t wait for my favorite show to come back on. 

It’s counting everyday that passed, thinking of what we could have done together that day instead of being away from each other. 

It’s crying alone instead of having his arm around you, consoling you. 

It’s praying for atleast the comfort of knowing you’re only half an hour from me instead of a plane ride away. 

It’s seeing those must-visit places and thinking it’s not worth time if we don’t go together. 

It’s sad. It’s depressing. It’s one boring, pathetic phase. But it’s not forever. 

I miss you. I love you. 

Ask me @

I don’t know who reads or even checks out my blog especially that this is a personal blog but if you have questions for me.. 

Ask me @ https://curiouscat.me/niahespiritu 

Last time I had one of these (formspring), I had an anti club send me mean messages so please be nice this time. Haha! 

Oh yea, I should write about my bullying experiences sometimes. 

Falling Apart

How do you know when you are falling apart? What exactly should you look for to know you’re on that stage?

I also don’t know. What I know is that I feel like I am. 

I am 20 years old and this is probably an overstatement but looking at how things haven’t been going the way I want it to be, it sure feels like it. 

I was supposed to graduate at 19 years old. 15-year-old me was always daydreaming how I will graduate before I reach 20 and become an educator or a writer like I always planned. 

Then shit happened. Unemployment hit both my mom and dad a year apart forcing me to find a job and abandon college. 

Then I had the alternative plan: excel at this call center job and perhaps be promoted. A salary raise would mean I could probably afford to pay my tuition debts and be back to school. 

And then shit happened ofcourse. I just couldn’t keep tardiness away. I’m good at what I do so I know it’s the only thing keeping me away from a promotion. 

I don’t even feel like myself anymore. Hypothyroidism took that away from me too. I gained 10 pounds over 2017 and all I hear from everyone I see is how I’ve gotten heavier. 

I don’t even try explaining anymore how there’s nothing changed on how I eat, that it’s just my body has a slower metabolism than before due to hypothyroidism. They would suggest exercising which, if you have the same illness that I have would be impossible at times, seeing how hard it is to breathe properly just walking. 

No one understands and it’s just so fucking hard. I loved how I looked and how I weighed last year. I would look at the mirror and not be grossed out by what I’m seeing. Now, I’m just so uncomfortable on how I look I won’t even spend a whole minute looking on the mirror. I don’t see my reflection as myself. 

I know that some of what’s happening to me is my fault. Other things might be karma for what I did in the past but I’m tired falling apart. 

Now, either I give up or I start getting back up. I don’t think I’m ready to give up just yet. I will fix what I can and accept what I can’t change and just hope that the universe will be in my favor once again. 

According to Teen Wolf, no matter how things can go so bad or so good, it would always go back to the middle. They coined it as ‘regression to the mean’. 

I’m ready for everything to go back to the middle. 

Eclipse

How does the sun find the strength to rise every morning even though it only gets to see the moon in passing?” –LT

 

As they say, it’s the same shit, different day. She swiped the screen of her mobile phone to stop her alarm. She groaned, begging the universe for five more minutes before she has to face another day.

Don’t get her wrong. Her work sucks as much as the next girl but she has great workmates turn friends. People who she can count on and people she spends her days and nights with.

It has become such a routine for over a year. Bathe, choose from her limited selection of clothes, if she didn’t oversleep, she’ll have time to do her make up (which was fewer and fewer these days).

She’ll take the commute like a robot programmed to do this route five times a week.

Most days she’ll get a good work station, a lucky one even. She’ll drink her coffee at the start of her shift and in the middle of working, she will find time to socialize with friends.

She’ll count herself lucky. Not every aspect of the production floor is perfect but it’s hard to find trustworthy fellows in this kind of environment. She should know. She’d been fooled once or twice.

She’s been known an observer. She would notice things most of her friends wouldn’t. For her, it’s both a gift and a curse. Nevertheless, it comes in handy.

Like during eclipses.

It’s what she calls those moments when in very rare times, the sun meets the moon in a short period of time. When the world around would stop, and it would just those two entities that would matter.

It’s both happiness and sadness. Happiness over that millisecond their lives touched and sadness that it couldn’t be more than that.

For her, the sadness would always win. But it’s better than nothing.

What is it they say? It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

She sees it on the floor almost everyday. And not everyone notices.

She knows of a girl who is yearning for someone to call her own. Of a girl who wants the innocent, old school relationship. She knows of a girl’s pain when someone took advantage of that vulnerability and twisted it to a temporary kind of bliss.

She would feel that pang of confusion and sadness the girl feels every time the girl turns pale whenever he’s near. When he greets her in the corridor and she has to pretend it didn’t bother her. A lost girl in her eclipse.

Now, she knows of a girl learning her lesson. She knows of a girl who is now aware that she deserves more. She knows of a girl who will not settle for less.

And now it’s time for some story telling..

Once upon a time, a princess gave everything for her prince. Her kingdom, her gold, her life. But for the prince, it wasn’t enough. Sadly, it has never been enough. He would leave for trips and tell the princess it was for him to be able to find himself.

Every time he leaves, the prince would come back with a maiden from another kingdom. He would flaunt it to the princess. He would apologize and because the princess didn’t know better back then, she would forgive and welcome him back with open arms.

Our little observer met the princess during the dark ages. When the wound was still fresh, and our princess would often cry herself to sleep. When the prince and Snow White walked around the kingdom showing off their relationship, she cannot imagine what the princess felt.

She cannot imagine how hard it is for the princess to wake up every morning knowing that when she arrives to the floor, she would see Snow White and her prince together.

She would marvel at how brave the princess is becoming. She would wonder how this princess can endure this long, dark eclipse looming over her. And she would say how proud she is of the princess, despite everything she had to encounter everyday, she held her head up high like the queen she is.

 

She would shake her head. How silly is this? But those were just two of maybe a hundred of eclipses happening around her. It was two of those she cares most about.

These are solar eclipses. Where despite the darkness that tries to block their light, it will end the sun looking more majestic than ever. The lost girl and the broken princess would come out of this. And they would find someone who would let them shine.

The shift ends as the clock strikes one. Everyone would retire to the locker room, tired and ready for rest.

The observer would grab her ringing mobile phone as the screen flashes a picture of her sun and her, together. She’ll answer the call. And upon hearing a simple hello from the other line, her eclipse would start and her heart would skip a beat.

Happiness for having someone she believes she doesn’t deserve but still loves her unconditionally. Sadness for they are 300 miles away from each other.

In the end, the sadness would be overwhelming. But not for long…

Day 6 – My views on mainstream music

Day 6 – Your views on mainstream music

 

I honestly don’t know what to say about mainstream music. What exactly is considered as mainstream music?

So according to urbandictionary.com, mainstream music is music that’s usually on the radio, Top 40 and is well known to the general public.

All right. Well that clears it up, doesn’t it?

Hmm, so mainstream music would be One Direction, Drake, Rihanna, The Chainsmokers, Ariana Grande, etc.?

I would think that music in the past year is much better than the previous years. Of course, there are still some that focuses on T&A’s but it’s much better now. It has meaning even though it’s not what it’s like before. I guess it focuses more on the beats and bass rather than the message. Compared to the previous years though, I think music is getting better again.

I only started listening to mainstream music when I started my job at Alorica. I focused my music genre on Big Bang before so it’s good to rediscover this stuff.

It’s catchy and all.

Day 4 – Bullet Your Day

It was a good day to bullet lol

  • I slept around 12:30AM
  • Woke up at 3AM
  • Arrived at the office 16 minutes late
  • Had 2 surveys, one of it was a negative one
  • Our team had a potluck. I brought spring rolls. We had pasta, liempo, ice cream, cakes!!
  • We ate again. Lol
  • Teammates and I ended up having an after work session at Centris Walk. 
  • Still here at Centris Walk after 7 hours lol

    Update at 7:54PM

    • Here at Whitewall Coffee shop at Centris where I always order Carbonara
    • Just found a Carbonara buddy today
    • Guess what? Carbonara here at Whitewall is currently not available -.-
    • We’re waiting for le teammates

      Update at 10:00 PM

      • Teammates are still not here
      • Mayonnaise is playing here at Centris
      • We want to go to Cloud 9
      • Still alive but lacks sleep

        Update at 2:42AM 03/26/2017:

        • teammates finally got around at 10:30
        • We had no where to chill
        • We chose Karaoke Republic
        • It was dang crazy and fun
        • I just got home
        • Good night!

        Day 3 – A book I love

        Ahhh. Where do I start? When will I end? Lol

        Day 3 – A book you love

         

        Ahhh. Where do I start? When will I end? Lol

        I met someone a couple of months ago and it was my first time sitting down with this person. Reading books excites me more than shopping or just plain going out. So expectedly, I asked this person about what books he loves. He mentioned some philosophy books that I have never heard of before and says he’s not into the YA kind.

        I’m 20 years old and other than mystery books by PJ Tracy and Lena Diaz, I pretty much stick to Young Adult novels. I have preferences on the genre but YA all the way!

        So this person, a year younger than me, said he didn’t like YA. That was okay for me. I could roll with that. I’m open to learning new things and I ain’t afraid of philosophy books. (lol!) But then, he said something that was so much of a deal breaker. Like I seriously cannot look at him after that. I even considered leaving right at that moment.

        He said and I quote, “I especially don’t like Harry Potter. It’s a waste of time.”

        *silence* I seriously wanted to use seven books of awesomeness to choke the guy. Suffice to say, I didn’t see him again.

        So yes, a book that I always love talking about and I will always love are the Harry Potter books by JK Rowling.

        I won’t probably be able to enumerate all the reasons why but my life was molded to the lessons I learned from reading the books.

        It all started with a reading assignment when I was in 5th grade. We were supposed to read a book. No specific ones and submit a book report about it. So my aunt and I went to a bookstore and I bought the thickest book I found.

        Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

        Yes, the first time I read the books, it wasn’t in the chronological order. (I’ve read for a hundred times now xD)

        It’s like the escape to Hogwarts from every book was what I needed. It sparked a light in my mind and showed me how imaginative and creative I can be. (Reason #1)

        Lessons from the books does not need a deep analysis but it also wasn’t just there. I can’t put it into words, exactly, but I live my life largely influenced by what I’ve read and learned from the books.

        From the friendship of the Golden Trio to Draco Malfoy’s upbringing. Let me try to enumerate some…

        • Real friends will go through anything with you.
        • Darkness never wins.
        • Some people didn’t want to be bad. They just didn’t know any other way. (ILYSM Draco Malfoy!)
        • Love always wins.
        • It’s okay to be different because real friends will accept who you are.
        • If you love someone, you can go through lengths to show it to them. (Always!!! *cries for Snape*)
        • Parents will do anything for their child. (Praises to Narcissa, Molly & Lily!)
        • There are many types of bravery. (Hi Neville & Snape!)
        • Loved ones never really leave us.

        Phew! I’m sure it’s not just that. There are many, many more. I love how the things they experienced on their extraordinary lives, we get to apply to our good old Muggle lives.

        I can rave about this series all day.

        Other books I love and learned a lot from:

        • Tuesdays with Morrie
        • One Hundred Names
        • The Notebook
        • A Walk to Remember
        • The Female of the Species
        • Perks of Being a Wallflower
        • My Not So Perfect Life
        • PS I Love You
        • Falling into Place
        • All the Bright Places