LDR and How it Feels

It’s like the weather nowadays. We wake up to a gloomy weather, without the sunrise. I’m robbed off my light. My bright, sun. 

It’s a train ride and we’re currently going through a long, dark tunnel. We can see the light at the end. It’s there but still too far. Everything just feels dull and dark. 

It’s wanting to tell each other even the smallest event that happened today and being disappointed when we can’t even finish a phone call.

It’s like being in a long, black and white mime commercial and I just can’t wait for my favorite show to come back on. 

It’s counting everyday that passed, thinking of what we could have done together that day instead of being away from each other. 

It’s crying alone instead of having his arm around you, consoling you. 

It’s praying for atleast the comfort of knowing you’re only half an hour from me instead of a plane ride away. 

It’s seeing those must-visit places and thinking it’s not worth time if we don’t go together. 

It’s sad. It’s depressing. It’s one boring, pathetic phase. But it’s not forever. 

I miss you. I love you. 

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I Should’ve Listened

I should’ve listened to my friends when they said you were bad for me but I only minded how good you made me feel with the attention you’re giving me. Oh how a message from you can make my heart beat faster! How quick it can change my mood from grumpy to cheerful! I won’t forget the day we first met about the story you told me how your heart got broken. By then, I committed to making you happy again.

 

I should’ve listened to them when they said, “Don’t believe him!” but all I can think of is how amazing it feels to hear you say my name. How sad it made me feel to hear you say you miss me. There were never any hesitation. I ran to your side and I’ve offered you my shoulder to cry on. I longed for you because I thought you felt the same.

 

I ignored my friends when they told me, “I told you so” after I caught you with another. You broke my heart. But you said you’ll change and I believed you so. I think of you day and night. I wonder what you were doing. I gave what I could. Yet at times like this I find myself asking, “Is it not enough? Am I not enough?” I doubted myself and fell into a dark pit. I did the thing I said I wouldn’t do. I compared myself to others. What is it that I don’t have? Why am I not enough?

 

I should’ve listened to them but I’m glad I didn’t. You showed me who you really are. You made me realize that the person I created inside my head and the person in front of me, is not the same. I made you who I wanted you to be. We were supposed to be perfect but it was just a dream.

 

One day, I’ll realize I needed to not listen. I needed to see the real you to break the spell you had in me. You told that story to make me fall. You kept me in your hooks and led me on. You didn’t give me the commitment that I need to make me yearn for it. You made feel like I was worth less that I was so I would crave your validation.

 

The spell will be broken and I will see clearly. I wasn’t attached to you. I was attached to the person I thought was you. I am valid. And I’m certainly worth more than you will ever see.

 

@hey_itsehl! Remember what we said: You’ve always known what to do. And self love!